I sometimes struggle with envy. Let me try that again. I struggle with envy every day.
- Envy happens when I look at Instagram and see someone else’s life filtered by Earlybird or Walden.
- I envy when I see someone’s car that doesn’t have carseats in it.
- I envy when I see how many more followers someone has on Twitter.
- I envy when I hear about someone who published their book.
- I envy when I’m talking to friends I love or strangers I was moments before completely indifferent to.
What complicates envy
Add to the struggle the difficulty of distinguishing between envy, admiration and a healthy dissatisfaction. A wiser and happier friend of mine recently told me that being unsatisfied isn’t a feeling we should suppress. It’s healthy to want more for our children (and I’m not just talking about material things). It’s healthy to want the kind of business you dream of. It’s healthy to want a deeper relationship with the God who created you. It’s what we use to measure our dissatisfaction that matters. (tweet that)
Envy is usually selfish
Does my discontentment come from a place of knowing I’m capable of working harder and achieving more for my family? That’s healthy. Am I dissatisfied because I want what someone else has? That’s envy. I don’t envy everyone that is rich. I know lots of miserable rich people. I don’t envy everyone that has freedom. Unemployed people have a lot of freedom.
My favorite people to envy
I envy people like me. They look like me, they talk like me and I usually know them as a friend. I envy friends that have achieved more. They remind me of what I am capable of and that I have yet to achieve. (Tweet that)
Fixing Envy
To end envy I’m going to focus on what I need to do today. Simple right? Focus on what I need to get done today to get one step closer to being the person I am capable of being. We have no control over someone else’s story and we certainly don’t know the extent of the twists and turn that make up their life so envying the end result is simply a waste of time and energy. To end the envy of others we must take responsibility for ourselves. (Tweet that) The same energy I use to envy others can be used to achieve my own dreams and calling. Envy may never go away for me but the next time I envy the Instagram picture of a sunrise with a Nashville filter I’m going to ask myself this question, “What can I do right to get closer to achieving the life I want?” Then I’m going to do that thing.
The answer
The answer to ending our envy of other’s achievements is to take our own actions.
My name is Andy Traub and I help people tell their stories in a way that maximizes their impact. If you'd like to create your own custom channel to reach the world then I can help. Just 
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Very transparent post Andy. I believe it’s weird how we sometimes look at the situations other people are in and jealousy and envy creep in. If we step back away from our situations, many times we realize that people would give anything to be where we are (happily married, doing work we love, or capable of having children who need carseats in our vehice). It’s a fine line to balance dissatisfaction and envy, but either way, action is my goal.
I know I should be very happy with my situation but frankly I’m not most of the time. I’m still very hungry about my future. I AM very grateful for my children though but I still envy the freedom others have. Just being honest. Thx for commenting brother.
I really enjoyed this post. In the fast paced world we live I where everyday we are hit with new phones, new tablets, new computers, I constantly deal with envy as I want the next big thing. It’s unhealthy and it takes my focus away from what’s important in life. Recently I have really been trying to re-prioritize my life and enjoy the things I do have, and not be so concerned about the things that other people have,
Envy is a true internal struggle. I am reminded of it daily and it’s easy trap to fall into. The hardest part is accepting that in the world of the parable of the talents, I have two when others have five. I lament over why I didn’t get five when two talents is still quite a bit.
Scotty Scruggs did a phenomenal job with this topic at MPCC’s series on Respectable Sins. Worth a look/listen/read here: http://bit.ly/QWMY07
Andy,
You asked what do you envy? I must admit that at one time I was somewhat envious of your work situation and others not unlike yourself (Justin L, Josh Gordon, Ryan Eggenberger, etc…guys like you who’ve busted the mold for what work is supposed to be). I was struggling for meaningful work at the time and I see you all doing what you wanted to do despite the risk associated to it with your families.
However, after a great deal of prayer, discernment, patience and consulting (and a change of things internally at work) much of my situation has changed for the better, so (sorry) the envy’s gone
I have a more lengthy treatise on combatting envy which I will email you shortly, if you care to read it.
Pax,
Marc
Andy,
Sorry to hear about your Envy issues. In my world, happiness comes from loving what you do, and being happy with what you have. It’s sooo much easier to live your life when you don’t compare with others. We all are where we are in life, and with what we have (both kids, spouses, as well as material things) because of the aggregate of all the choices we’ve made to date.
You didn’t make the same choices as those you are comparing yourself to. Plain and simple. If you’d really have wanted those other things, you’d have them already. No other way to look at it.
So be grateful for what you have and where you are. It’s the result what you’ve chosen to date. Nothing more, nothing less. So why be upset or jealous.
I would guess you made the best possible choice (or at least what you thought at the time) at each juncture of your life so far. And you’ll continue to make each choice, with the currently available information, at each decision point in the future.
Your life as it is currently is a manifestation of all the choices – morally, intellectually, and financially you’ve made to date. Your life is a reflection of your attitudes, knowledge, passions, and principles. Envy is you just knocking your own choices… that’s just silly!
That was incredibly encouraging. Thank you Keith.
Andy -
I struggle with envy very much. I also have to stop myself and focus on what I am doing. Shouldn’t I be looking inward? I have the pleasure of knowing some great people doing some remarkable things and he/she gets attention because it is so great. I am envious of that kind of attention.
This may be the most motivational post I’ve ever read Andy. Great job!
“What can I do right to get closer to achieving the life I want?” I changed this to “what are you going to do today to move closer to the life you want?” and posted it on my mirror!
Brian, the posts where I’m writing to myself are always the ones that help the most people. Not sure how that works but it does.
From what I’ve read I would totally agree. Those posts are why I keep coming back.
The follow up question of course is what do you want your ideal life to be? How do you know if your getting closer to it without knowing what it is. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Hi Andy – You pointed out some things that I don’t think I had realized about myself. I envy those around me that serve as a reminder that I have not lived up to my potential. I don’t envy a professional athlete, but I envy a neighbor who took the risk or the next step that I did not.
Thank you for this post.
Ummmm, yeah. I’m so with you. This thing I loathe within myself, this comparison-monster, this little green stomping-her-foot, petulant-brat…envy.
It drives my to-do lists. But they are always undone, y’know? Always too much to do in too little time.
Not sure that doing one more thing to get closer to my ‘wants’ really helps me. Maybe closing my eyes???
Seriously, I don’t know. Gratitude helps. When I’m consistent with writing in my ‘Gratitude Notebook’ – I tend to envy less. But its a monster that plagues me every. single. day.
Gratitude is definitely my biggest weapon. I also heard a good quote just the other day. “You can’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside” There is just no way to know what lies beneath the surface.
That’s awesome.