I’m ready to quit church. (Please keep reading before you leave a comment.) It’s very healthy to question things because questioning or challenging beliefs either makes them stronger or exposes their weaknesses. I have lost my faith in my church as it is today. The key part of that sentence was not the first eight words, it was the last four. It’s healthy to get fed up with something. When we get fed up we change. Apathy is the enemy of improvement. If you don’t care then you should worry.
Bored by http://www.sxc.hu/profile/christiem
Saying you don’t like your church is like saying you don’t like how dirty your teeth are. You can’t blame anyone else for your own dirty teeth. In the past seven days I’ve read, So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore and Quitting Church. They are challenging me to be the church instead of whining about it. They remind me that I’m responsible for myself first and the church second. They are reminding me that Jesus wants me, not my church attendance scorecard.
If you are fed up with your church experience (or lack of a memorable experience) I encourage you to read those two books in that order. The first is a story; fiction, conversational and beautifully written. The second was written by a reporter and is more analytical but still very easy to read. I didn’t agree with every word of the books but 98% of the content was water to my mind, soul and experience. Both will help you sort through your feelings for your boring church. Maybe you will end up at home next Sunday instead of in a pew. Maybe you’ll end up in your Pastor’s office apologizing for sitting on the sidelines. Maybe you’ll just get angry. Whatever you feel I encourage you embrace your emotions and deal with them. Dealing with your feelings towards your lame church experience is better than going to church out of compulsion and habit. It’s better to feel than to feel nothing.
I’m not quitting yet. Stay tuned.
So do you want to quit church? Why or why not?
(I will be doing reviews of both of these books on future episodes of the Books For A Better You Show)
My name is Andy Traub and I help people tell their stories in a way that maximizes their impact. If you'd like to create your own custom channel to reach the world then I can help. Just 
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Andy – I’ve read the first but not the second, but it’s definitely something that will make you think hard about motivations and why you do what you do. I had another friend who read “So You Don’t Want To Go To Church Anymore” too and had a very similar response. I’ll be looking forward to getting to the second book soon.
I am thankful to have had the opportunity to challenge my church leadership (clergy and lay) by leading an annual leadership summit. It has been an amazing experience to not only challenge them, but also to encourage and participate. It has helped our church focus on what we are called to do and find ways to do it. I don’t want to quit church because I have a church that is making disciples! We are not perfect, but we are at least moving in the correct direction.
Another book I would recommend is Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman. It will challenge you in your personal walk to not be a fan sitting in the stands, but completely committed, all in.
I’ve heard about Not a Fan too. Might check it soon. I love the idea of someone else facilitating a retreat for church leaders. They seem to be so alone so often. That’s never healthy.
It was a great opportunity, both years (and hopefully future years). I could tell our pastor and staff enjoyed the opportunity to participate and observe rather than being in the role of facilitator.
Andy,
To answer your question, “So do you want to quit church? Why or why not?” the answer for me is heck no. I belong to one of the most beautiful churches in Saint Louis, staffed by impeccable priests. (http://www.institute-christ-king.org/stlouis/). (perhaps I’m your only Catholic follower…and I’m not one of these old crabby Catholics you mentioned in one of your podcasts awhile back either
)
We’re one of two oratories in St. Louis that offers the old Latin Mass on a daily basis. There’s no way I’d want to leave the liturgical beauty and the camaraderie of many young and large families.
Lemme know if you want to talk more.
MP
I”m glad you hold your priests in such high regard. I’m sure they’re not impeccable (i.e. perfect) but they earned your trust somehow and that’s great. I do miss the liturgy a bit (as a former Catholic) but for me it was too much work to find the meaning in something that never changed. I’m grateful you’ve found a place that fits you!
So my vocabulary choice was a but strong regarding impeccable. I did better in math than vocab in school.
Andy, I can see your point on struggling making sense out of something (liturgy) that does not change. I have listened to many of the podcasts you run (In the Loop, Linchpin (I can’t wait to read that book), Nonconformist Family, and No More Mondays) You’ve been extremely consistent in your messages to make changes to life/work/etc when stuff isn’t going well. You have been very encouraging and inspiring to me in my professional life to get off my can and do something…make a change, which I’m doing now. Just don’t ‘do nothing.’
However, I draw great strength and more importantly peace from the fact that things liturgically (especially in the Extraordinary Form – the old Latin Mass ) do not change much. That is my weekly (and sometimes more often) rock of sanity and consistency that gives me the gas for the rest of the week. It gives me the grace to persevere in our amoral world knowing countless saints who did exactly the same thing over the centuries are now keeping and eye out for us here below.
Thank you for your forum!
Marc
http://marcsviewonstuff.wordpress.com
Hey Marc – I’m also a Catholic follower! Catholics UNITE!
I think that when dealing with the masses, in any organization, there are positive and negative things that all individuals will perceive differently. I’m in a leadership role with our worship team (contemporary worship team, which is NOT predictable in a Catholic church) full of high school students. We constantly challenge each other on our behaviors and thoughts, and that’s what keeps me interested in both church and religion – which can be hard when the religion is based on 2000+ years of tradition. I’m constantly learning, and constantly being challenged to be a better person.
Great post Andy!
Yes I am ready to quit my church! But… Not God & His Son
We always have to realize that the church is made up of flawed human beings just like ourselves. Perhaps a different church? I pray that my free agency will enable me to be a different kind of quitter.
Ah, church. What is it? We have a few on this tiny island… My response would be similar to Jim Henderson’s “I resign”, as characterized in his book, The Resignation of Eve. Here is what it looks like: 1) I don’t understand why there is one guy talking at us; 2) I don’t understand why the worship team is on a stage; 3) Why is it shaped the way that it’s shaped? 4) I don’t care. Number four sounds so callous! But I have a distinct call on my life (call it Free Agency, why not?), and what happens inside the building was breaking my heart. I cried and tried to change myself into some sort of plug that fit the outlet. Fail. I’ve never been more in love with Him, Them, US, whatever we call it. The institution is fine! I love my brothers and sisters! But it can be such a behemoth… Like, say any word over and over, it loses it’s meaning. It’s seriously over for me. Ovah.
So refreshing to read your post. Here’s an Ad. I just posted on my local craigslist.
I’m a saved man. I STUDY the word of God daily. I pray to The Creator of The Universe constantly. I believe in doing the will of God 24/7. Why can’t I find like minded people in the churches? I’ve been to many.
One problem I have is church-goers consider “worship” singing. Singing songs/hymns on Sunday that aren’t very enjoyable to me and calling it worship. It’s completely unavoidable.
Most church-goers I know (not all) are Sunday Christians and quiet about their faith the rest of the week, including before and after church – oh excuse me, some people are Christians on Wednesday too and a few on other church days.
Now that that’s out of my system, seriously, are there a group of people that meet to study the bible, have an occasional meal together, teach our children about Jesus Christ, pray, talk about deep spiritual matters and sing songs that everyone is comfortable with? Please email me if you know of such a group. I can’t find them in any local church so far.
Wow Andy, tackling a big issue here. I’m not so sure I want to quit church but would like to see church re-invented in some ways. And I’m not talking about a particular church but the idea of church in general, and because I’ve spent the last four years in Turkey, the church in America. The questions need to be asked and it is good to see you asking them. As we eye our return to the states in less than a week, thoughts of “church” and faith in America have been moving to the forefront of my thoughts and conversations with my wife. Honestly, we are worried a bit. But as you point out, we must be the change we would like to see. In it all though, I am reminded (continually reminded) of Grace. My discontent has too often in the past moved into the realm of a critical spirit and Oswald Chambers reminded me the other day that, “In the spiritual domain, criticism is love gone sour. There is no room for criticism in a wholesome spiritual life.”
I had a great conversation with some men from my church today. It was very constructive and I was NOT alone in my feelings. Many of us agreed that we need to step up more to be involved and that the only change that will come is from within the church. It is a lot of work to avoid the “sour” but it’s necessary!
Andy-
First time viewer/first time commenter here. Your above comment is interesting: “Many of us agreed that we need to step up more to be involved and that the only change that will come is from within the church.”
This is a wonderful and manly answer that I hope my own ministry with college students will inspire for their own future lives in the Church. In this answer, I think you get to the ecclesiology of Jesus, John, Paul, and Matthew. I’m thinking of how St. Matthew would think of someone who wanted to loose the Kingdom but keep the King. I’m thinking of how St. Paul would wonder at how the foot can say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” I’m thinking of how St. John sees the mystical nuptial union of Christ and the Church. I’m thinking of Jesus identifying himself with his followers when he accuses Saul on the road to Damascus.
Praise the Lord!
But it does leave me with a question. How does your situation differ from the 16th century where the movement for reform became one of outside the Church?
Good point. Very good point. Sometimes I think I need to get outside before i can go back inside. Man, I wish people weren’t so passionate about this because I keep feeling this pull to start a podcast called. “Looking for Church”
There are days when I want to quit church. Seeing the same thing happen over and over again, the lack of challenge and growth, the same problem pop up. It’s frustrating and makes me wonder why I even need to go.
I’d encourage you to read that book – http://www.takepermission.com/recommended-books-andy-traub-bookshelf/
It really was water to a very dry soul. Made me want to love the church more than leave it.
I’ll have to add it to my to-read list. Hoping it will help on my “I want to quit” days.
I’ve been feeling the same way recently. My small critiques have become huge and all consuming. Each Sunday I become more negative and cynical. This is not a good thing. It all started when I sat down and figured the cost per person of doing Sunday morning. The number shocked me.
Is the investment getting us the kind of return the Kingdom of God demands?
Jason, i encourage you to read those books, in the order I discuss them. The point is first that we would know the love of our Father and second out of that love we would desire to be around other believers while practicing what He teaches us. The rest is just details…including denominations, styles etc. Don’t give up. Do something about your frustration. He can handle the questions so take action. Let me know how it goes.
Our family is in a unique situation – we are rarely at a church long enough to want to quit on it. In fact, most of the time, we are sad to leave as we have made really great friends because we tend to go all-in. As a military family, be it four months or four years, we have no clue how long we will be at our duty station. So, for our family jumping in where we are passionate just makes sense, keeps us connected, and energizes us!
I think too many people go to church expecting only to receive. They sit in church, and perhaps feel bored when the message does not hit exactly what they thought they “needed” to hear that day. They leave disgruntled, wondering why they bothered to go. But, what if church was less about us, and more about others? What about the person sitting next to you? What’s their story? How can we, as a church, as a LIFE Group, as a person/family, come alongside him or her in the trials they are facing? When we become vested in others, we build rapport and relationship… and isn’t that what church is supposed to be?
Yes, that’s what it’s supposed to be. The question is if that has to happen on Sunday, with one guy talking while we all sit quietly. Church seems so structured and so repetitious that I can’t quite figure out where WE come into the equation. It feels too much like a movie theatre and not enough like a family.
I think I got hung up on the word, “church”… because to me church is more than just listening to a pastor… that is the portion of church where I learn, take notes, and write down how I need to apply the message. Another part of church for me is small groups, and this is where iron sharpens iron… where we invest in relationships and “do life” with people. Still others Marriage, Women’s, MOPS, Grief Ministries…
When we have been involved in very big churches, we have felt similarly to you. In fact, not too long ago, we left a church in part because Sundays seemed like a performance. They had the whole she-bang, lights (think hot pink dancing zebra patterns, cameras, and action). For many families, this church is the perfect environment, for our family, it was too much. One thing our pastor says often is: There is a need for many diverse churches because there a many diverse people.
As a Millennial set on following Jesus without leaving the church, I really appreciate your post, Andy. I’m going to buy those books as soon as I’m done writing this.
The church is a beautiful mess, screwed up in more ways than one. But she is the Bride of Christ, and He loves her dearly—no matter how much she two-times Him, as gross as that sounds.
It’s encouraging to know that, no matter how many of us give up on church, God never gives up on us.
Did you get the books?