Vienna – such a charming kiddo… raking in the older ladies with her winsome smile…
Piper – starting to get confused between Grandma and Grandpas on
J+S – lots of family time… looking forward to our 2nd ever wknd of coolness and skulduggery… this is going to be another year of change, intention, and awesome (2012 is the Year of Awesome)
Nina Nelson – http://www.ShalomMama.com
Alana and Josh Mokma – investing in other couples… reached out to us w/date night (even though they live in another state) – paid for a tres swanky reservation at a tres swanky restaurant here in Guelph.
Us? We’re beginning to look at uber practical ways to support other families…
Negative Nancy’s –
Main Topic: Imagine your deathbed regrets…
Sar and I often have great conversations while driving; on one such drive, we found ourselves re hashing a dialogue that had been going on between us and and some friends for some time. We were feeling exasperated because it seemed so clear to us that they were stuck in a cycle of denial, or maybe just didn’t want to change some lifestyle habits that had been the same for years. We could see those repetitive decisions were sucking them dry.
Without going into the long details, I was suddenly struck with a overwhelming thought: man, if they don’t change something, their deathbed regrets are going to suck! I verbalized that thought, and Sar and and I were both quiet for a couple minutes. I immediately looked into MY life and started asking what MY deathbed regrets would be if nothing changed.
If I stayed on the same track that I was on then how would the habits I had, the way I made decisions, my priorities, my hobbies, how I used my spare time, where I lived, what risks I took affect my deathbed experience? And dude. It was a freaky picture:
- I died early, due to obesity related conditions.
- I died broke.
- I died discouraged.
- I died angry, frustrated, unfulfilled.
I died regretting never trying to start a business. I died regretting not trying to live internationally. I died regretting not trying to live a life centred around the arts or creative stuff. I died regretting my seeming inability to break out of the cycles of poor financial, health, and lifestyle decisions.
I died wondering if…
- If I could have done more for the world.
- If I lived my purpose.
- If I made God proud.
These kind of questions never really let go of you, but today, rather than ignoring them, pushing them to the back of my mind, I use them as a constant frame of reference, as a template or filter to guide my decision making.
Top 5 Regrets (from Bonnie Ware):
1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
my response: unfulfilled dreams? Aigh… they freak me out. We tell ourselves we’ll work till we’re retired, and THEN we’ll go on that trek, take that cruise, start that enterprise, hike that trail.. who are we kidding? Everytime you say ‘no’ to a dream, you’re building a habit. By the time you ‘retire’ you’ll have built a super strong ‘no’ muscle… it’ll be over, man.
2) I wish I didn’t work so hard.
my response: working your tail off to achieve someone else’s dream doesn’t make sense to me. It’s interesting, crises like a major health issue have a way of forcibly bringing your priorities to the surface. At the end of the day, sacrificing family time for finances? Ultimately short sighted. I say simplify your lifestyle. Smooth out your schedule. Give you and your family time and space to be creative, to engage, to have a blast with each other.
3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I see so many people supressing their true feelings or thoughts in order to keep the peace (my wife is a natural peacemaker – so this can be tough for her… but she’s getting awesome at it!). The end result of this though, is a mediocre existence peppered with half hearted relationships.
If you have have the internal strength to say what you really feel, you bring your best to your friendships – and deepen their potential.
4) I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends
5)I wish I had let myself be happier
Your To Do List:
- Block out a 1/2 hr and freeze frame your life.
- Imagine nothing changes between now and the day you die.
- Imagine yourself looking back over your life.
- Ask yourself some questions:
– How do you feel about your deathbed?
– what needs to change today?
– are there patterns in your life you see?
– what are you going to do differently?
Life is a series of moments – and it’s waaay easy to put off change ‘till later. Most lives are lived in a constant state of procrastination. It’s time to move, to take action. Don’t let your deathbed regrets suck.