NCF008 : Sex, intimacy and other healthy activities

Josh and his wife discuss stuff every couple deals with but most never talk about. There are a few giggles but mostly awesome wisdom from two honest people.[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/thencfshow/NCF008.mp3]

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– Family update:

• Vienna: Walking like a monster, developing a new type of crying… It’s called “The Wide Open Mouth”, or (depending on the context) “The Deep Yawn of Despair”.
• Piper: starting to get into make believe… ball of yarn turned into a kitten, then a scary monster, then yarn again. Phew. Informed us of her decision for a life partner (Angus)
• Sarah + Josh: pregnant

– Other family…. is “the other couple(s)”… anyone in your life who is passionate about marriage, and willing to work really hard. We want to especially acknowledge  Shawn + Julie, Andrew + Lauren.
Andy? Who is it for you?

Main topic – sex and marriage

• importance of sex… Yes, sex is a huge component; but great, satisfying sex for both husband and wife comes from developing intimacy!

• Sexual intimacy-and the physical pleasure
• Emotional intimacy-and the excitement of romance
• Intellectual intimacy—and the sharpening of minds
• Spiritual Intimacy—and the depth of meaning
• Intimacy is like an iceberg – and sexual intimacy is the part that you can see. Sexual intimacy is like the tip of the iceberg: below the surface are intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacies. Josh especially, make the mistake of trying to improve sex alone—it doesn’t work in a sustainable way!

• The answer? Focus on developing intimacy, and the sexual experience will improve automatically!

• care and feeding of…
• It’s super easy to allow the little things to slide, and before you know it, the personal expressions of intimacy that we’d normally share are absent from our day to day life:
• private conversations
• laughing together
• cuddling and having sex
• sharing passionate kisses
• Things we’re committing to do:
• Have the right perspective.
• this morning (and every Sunday) was rough. I (Josh) had to force myself to step outside of the situation to assess what was really going on. Bringing that perspective and presenting it to Sarah was really important – and instrumental to us ‘turning the morning around’
• Talk a lot. Work hard to draw out your spouse.
• ‘How are you doing? Really?’
• ‘What are you thinking about?’
• Hows your relationship with God (funny story)
• How did _____________ go for you today?
• Pray together – bring God into the situation. Remind yourself of his involvement.
• multiple times a day… in the middle of a stressful situation… whenever you think about money… when the kids are being butt heads… etcetera etcetera. Use negative feelings as a prayer-trigger.
• The Prayer Experiment – for provision. Define what you need, and ask God for it all the time. (link to sermon audio)
• Be proactive about being healthy. Sleep. Eat well. Exercise
• Stay encouraged. Read, listen to music, pray.
• Be cautious about what you focus on. AVOID SELF PITY. HUGE TRAP. That will sink your relationship like a freaking stone.
• be intentional about physical affection
• give your marriage the best of you
• keep saying I love you!
• Great resources…
• The-Intimate-Couple.com
• http://www.ercf.ca/index.cfm?i=2203&mid=18&g=4141
• 7 Day Sex Challenge ebook

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