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"You are not my enemy" – Marriage book excerpt

Here’s another excerpt from a book I’m writing about marriage.

You can download the .mobi file of the 25,000 word book to put on your Kindle by clicking here.

You can send this post to your Kindle for easier reading by clicking on the button below.

“You are not my enemy”

When an enemy approaches we are on guard. Every movement could be the one that is meant to harm us. Every word must be analyzed through the filter of skepticism. This is how I treat my wife.
When we arrived home from our honeymoon in the western half of South Dakota (picture Mount Rushmore the Crazy Horse Memorial and lots of buffalo) we unpacked and drove 15 minutes to attend a marriage conference. Weekend To Remember is a conference hosted by Family Life, a phenomenal marriage ministry. The conference covers everything a couple needs to know to succeed in marriage. They discuss money, emotions, arguing, kids, romance, sex and personality differences. Of the 15 hours of conference time I remember one moment more than any other. They instructed us to turn toward our spouse, look in their eyes and say, “You are not my enemy” . It seemed silly at the time but it would prove to be one of the most important moments in my married life. It may be the reason I still have a married life.
Click here for the rest of this astounding wisdom…

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Marriage is like war

This is an excerpt from a book about marriage. No editing yet so I’d appreciate your kind critique, suggestions and praise. Oh how I love praise.

You know what sounds ass backwards, a bunch of drunks hanging out to help each other stay sober. But it works. Alcoholics get together, some having been sober for 4 hours, some 40 years, but they get together. They stand up and tell their stories. They say their name. They say how long they’ve been dry and then people clap. It’s called a support group, a family, finding sojourners. It works because everyone who stands up is screwed up and everyone sitting down is screwed up. They all have a major thing in common, they can’t fix themselves. So they show up, stand up, clap, nod their heads in empathy and agreement. They whisper “Yes” and “hmm” in agreement. They know each other because they’ve all fallen into the same hole. They’ve each chosen a bad road. They meet in sobriety but they connect in drunkenness. Their weakness connects them and their shared desire for sobriety emboldens their allegiance.

“How’s your marriage?” Put that in the “Things you don’t hear over lunch” category.

My wife and I have these friends that don’t fight much. Totally pisses me off. [Read more…]

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Book Excerpt: How to fix your nag of a wife

An excerpt from my upcoming book “I Like Long Forks”.  This excerpt is 1,200+ words so the button below will send it to your Kindle if you want to read it there.

(This has not been edited in any way so please just read and enjoy. Editing always comes after production and reflection.)

Image by Derek Kimball - http://www.sxc.hu/profile/imru2b12

Your wife did not marry you so she would have someone to nag. Nagging is not an initial action. By initial action I mean that it’s not the lead move or first step. When you see someone you know shaking their hand isn’t the initial action, seeing them is. When your wife nags you she is not initiating the action. It’s a response to you not doing something. I am not giving your wife license to nag you but I want you both to understand what nagging is and how to stop it. Nagging isn’t healthy or effective for the wife and forcing your wife to nag shows a lack of health in you.
 
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Marriage Book Excerpt – "I like long forks"

This is 2,500 words so the button below will send it to your Kindle if you want to read it there.

(This has not been edited in any way so please just read and enjoy. Editing always comes after production and reflection.)

I wanted to write a profound marriage book. The kind of book that becomes a staple when you hear a friend has recently gotten engaged so you bring up the title as sort of a manual on marriage. Then I decided that was too much responsibility so I wrote what you’re reading now instead. Mrs. Ellis, Mrs. Mullin, Mrs. O’Brien, these were the women who tried to shape my writing. I’m afraid they may have failed. The only person who I really understand most days is me so I’m going to use the work “I” a lot in this book. I used it three times in that last sentence alone. Maybe I’m egotistical so I like to write about myself. Maybe I’m too prideful to go to a councilor so instead I’m writing this book. Maybe I genuinely want others to know that marriage is a lot of work. Maybe I don’t remember anyone fully explaining the real image of marriage when I was telling them I got engaged (which I’ve done twice). If you forget everything I write please remember THIS – Marriage is work, but it’s good work if you can get it.

I like long forks. As the youngest of four children by the time I could remember rifling around in the silverware drawer our forks were all the same size. [Read more…]

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Chapter 1 Preview – You can always blame your parents

Here’s another preview of my book about marriage entitled, Why didn’t you tell me that?  What no one told me about marriage.

Chapter 1 – Section 2 – You can always blame your parents

You can always blame your parents. There are a lot of pillows with pretty sayings sewn into them but I’ve never seen that saying on one. If you do sew and have some free time please send me one because that saying is true. Who we are and how we act as married people is greatly influenced by our parent’s behavior. My dad’s name is Jerry and he’s talkative, friendly to strangers, helpful to friends and generous with his time and money. I’m most of those things (except my name’s not Jerry). He’s also got a potty mouth, gets personally offended when a bad driver crosses his path, saves his anger for those closest to him and would rather watch football than talk about his feelings. I’m most of those things too.  [Read more…]