Josh and his wife discuss stuff every couple deals with but most never talk about. There are a few giggles but mostly awesome wisdom from two honest people.[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/thencfshow/NCF008.mp3]
– Family update:
- Vienna: Walking like a monster, developing a new type of crying… It’s called “The Wide Open Mouth”, or (depending on the context) “The Deep Yawn of Despair”.
- Piper: starting to get into make believe… ball of yarn turned into a kitten, then a scary monster, then yarn again. Phew. Informed us of her decision for a life partner (Angus)
- Sarah + Josh: pregnant
– Other family…. is “the other couple(s)”… anyone in your life who is passionate about marriage, and willing to work really hard. We want to especially acknowledge Shawn + Julie, Andrew + Lauren.
Andy? Who is it for you?
Main topic – sex and marriage
- importance of sex… Yes, sex is a huge component; but great, satisfying sex for both husband and wife comes from developing intimacy!
- Sexual intimacy-and the physical pleasure
- Emotional intimacy-and the excitement of romance
- Intellectual intimacy—and the sharpening of minds
- Spiritual Intimacy—and the depth of meaning
- Intimacy is like an iceberg – and sexual intimacy is the part that you can see. Sexual intimacy is like the tip of the iceberg: below the surface are intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacies. Josh especially, make the mistake of trying to improve sex alone—it doesn’t work in a sustainable way!
- The answer? Focus on developing intimacy, and the sexual experience will improve automatically!
- care and feeding of…
- It’s super easy to allow the little things to slide, and before you know it, the personal expressions of intimacy that we’d normally share are absent from our day to day life:
- private conversations
- laughing together
- cuddling and having sex
- sharing passionate kisses
- Things we’re committing to do:
- Have the right perspective.
- this morning (and every Sunday) was rough. I (Josh) had to force myself to step outside of the situation to assess what was really going on. Bringing that perspective and presenting it to Sarah was really important – and instrumental to us ‘turning the morning around’
- Talk a lot. Work hard to draw out your spouse.
- ‘How are you doing? Really?’
- ‘What are you thinking about?’
- Hows your relationship with God (funny story)
- How did _____________ go for you today?
- Pray together – bring God into the situation. Remind yourself of his involvement.
- multiple times a day… in the middle of a stressful situation… whenever you think about money… when the kids are being butt heads… etcetera etcetera. Use negative feelings as a prayer-trigger.
- The Prayer Experiment – for provision. Define what you need, and ask God for it all the time. (link to sermon audio)
- Be proactive about being healthy. Sleep. Eat well. Exercise
- Stay encouraged. Read, listen to music, pray.
- Be cautious about what you focus on. AVOID SELF PITY. HUGE TRAP. That will sink your relationship like a freaking stone.
- be intentional about physical affection
- give your marriage the best of you
- keep saying I love you!
- Great resources…
– Family update; we’re all pretty exhausted.
- Vienna: spent 5 days in the hospital with RSV that developed into pneumonia. Basically, she could have died. But she didn’t – which is really fantastic.
- Piper: spent a week being sick, just before ‘Enna got sick. She’s 98% recovered.
- Sar + Josh: tired, tired, tired. It feels like we’re smack in the middle of a marathon, and it’s super hard.
- 3 week timeline: Piper gets sick, Vienna gets sick, Vienna gets hospitalized, s*** hits the fan:
- 68% blood oxygen (a healthy reading is 98%)
- super lethargic
- difficulty breathing
- high temperature
- not eating/drinking
- on oxygen, iv within 25 minutes of arriving at the hospital
- x rays (2) confirm RSV developed into pneumonia
- money stuff, too…
- dealing with the fallouts…
– Other family
Bekah Stewart is a single mom (26 yrs old) with two little boys; she’s been through some ridiculous challenges over the past year (including husband who cheated and left her, and the subsequent separation/parenting challenges). Her blog, A Well Traveled Woman, has been super inspiring to us.
While our kids were sick, Sarah and I worked through her entire Tumblr feed (about 800 pages). The type of lifestyle she posts about really resonated with us in a new way – and we’re shifting our direction to reflect that.
– increase focus on outdoors
– increased focus on simplicity
– increased focus on family, relationships, and local community.
Main topic – how the Insanity has impacted our life
- impact on our marriage
- No sex for 3 weeks (longest drought of our 4.8 years of marriage) – has led to some challenging, yet awesome conversations… more on that next episode
- lotsa stuff.
- We’ve had a long period of weird tense-relaxation… our kids have been sick (causing stress), but our life’s ground to a halt, so we’re not doing much. Out of that weirdness, a lot of really interesting conversations have sprung up.
- sort of like another weekend of coolness and skulduggery, actually…
- in the midst of our kids’ illness, we’ve realized that we need a course correct. We’re moving forward (which is awesome), but we need a shift in direction:
- more outdoorsy
- more ‘simplicity’
- cooking great food
- much more creative expression
- open schedule
- not too much $$
- more music
- Sar and Josh are each spending focussed alone time with each kid.
- Josh being much more intentional about having sustained fun time with P+V every day… favourite games are hide and seek, drawing on the whiteboard, and tickle wrestling.
- Sar and Josh are having lots of significant conversations about our family, marriage, etc…
- impact on the NCF
- We feel we’ve hit a new chapter in our lives – and the website will shifting to reflect that… we’ll be re-organizing things, rewriting our about page, etc…
- impact on my work:
- Josh recruited a team of people to help with his contract
- writer, photographer
- Josh diversifying his income streams more
- new style of coaching, beginning to focus on getting my next job
Sarah’s our guest (for real this time!), and we’ll talk about marriage, sex, and the root of evil adventure.
Vienna: 4 out of the last 6 nights she has only woken up 1 time. Holy joyous awesome…
Piper: Got home from a meeting w/a client and she was by herself in the kitchen grinning away, propped up on a stool, talking to herself, and washing dishes. Is that normal?
Sar + Josh: office for Josh has been taking up a lot of our focus. Converting the furnace room into our office. We’re spending a lot of time talking about how to improve our home
Another family we worship
Matt and Karen Langdon (from TheHeroCC.com) – pushing us to be purposeful about planning adventure (esp. through travel). We’re doing a 6-8 week Europe trip with them. They make sacrifices during the year in order to fund their yearly trips.
Setting goals for your family: The Weekend of Coolness and Skulduggery
What are the themes?
Less is more – Electronics, meetings, weight, cluttered home, trips to the grocery store.
Create space – Physically at home, physically in the abs, and in the schedule
Equipping ourselves – Entertain others,
Overview of format. What our weekend looked like (esp. w/an 11 month old)
how we’ve grown since 2011… how the types of goals we’re setting today are different than they were 12 months ago… setting goals for our kids… being really honest with ourselves (esp. me… I don’t always like to admit to myself what I’m thinking)
Sarah’s our guest! We talk about marriage, sex, and the root of adventure.